Name: Aprons.
Age: Since 1600BC.
Appearance: A very stylish bib.
Come on now, an apron is hardly stylish. Tell that to Emma Corrin, who has been wearing one out and about of late.
Because Emma Corrin is making a film about a dowdy cobbler? No, they wore it at the premiere of their new film 100 Nights of Hero.
I’m confused. Was it definitely an apron? Definitely an apron, yes. Pink, floral, frilly. Made by Miu Miu, obviously.
What a bizarre one-off this is. Far from it. Aprons are everywhere. Everyone on The Bear wears an apron. Meghan Markle wears one on that Netflix show that’s only watched by journalists who want to be mean about it.
Yes, but that makes sense. Both those shows are set in kitchens, where aprons perform the task that they were designed for. You mean sacrificing themselves in order to keep the clothes beneath them clean?
Well, yes. You absolute snob. For too long the humble apron has suffered, flinging itself in the way of drips and splashes. Surely now it deserves a chance to stand in the spotlight in its own right.
Not really, it’s just an apron. Yes, OK, fair point. But ask yourself this: when you think of aprons, what comes to mind?
My mum? Right! It’s a garment associated with 1950s female domestic servitude. Consciously or otherwise, they hint at a time when women had less power and agency. So think of this as a reclamation of sorts.
Oh, so it’s a way for women to free themselves from society’s expectations. Yes. Except in a high-end fashion way that probably costs more than the rest of your wardrobe combined. The Row, Hermès, Phoebe Philo and Dior have all dabbled in aprons in recent seasons.
What does this say about the rise of the trad wife? Oh, fine, there is another way to look at this, which is that using aprons as fashion is reinforcing the sexist notion that a woman’s place is in the kitchen.
I don’t know what position to take on this. Why don’t you ask Richard E Grant?
Why would I do that? Because earlier this month he wore a leather apron on the Miu Miu catwalk at Paris fashion week.
OK, good. This means that aprons do not exclusively exist to make a point about what it means to be a woman. No, they also exist to make a point about what it means to be a weirdly kinky-looking fishmonger.
So should I buy an apron for myself yet? No. My advice would be to wait until hairnets become chic, because those will presumably be a lot cheaper.
Do say: “Tonight I’m going to wear an apron”
Don’t say: “And then an apron over that, to stop the first apron from getting dirty.”
