JUST JANE: Today our agony aunt Jane O’Gorman is dealing with a new issue from a Daily Star reader who hates himself for falling so far and lying to his girl
If you have a problem that needs solving and you don’t know where to turn, look no further.
Every day, the Daily Star’s very own agony aunt Jane O’Gorman is on hand to tackle your issues and concerns with some straight-talking but sound advice.
From bedroom confessions to self-confidence issues , drug use and everything else, Jane has helped thousands of Daily Star readers over the years and isn’t slowing down.
If you need help, you can write to Just Jane, Daily Star, One Canada Square, London, E14 5AP, or email jane.ogorman@reachplc.com. Please note that Jane cannot respond to individual letters and not all problems will be published.
Check out some of Jane’s top recent advice:
‘Cocky lover’s wife looks like a supermodel – so why is he having grubby sex with me?’
‘I can’t keep my hands off best mate’s hubby – I’m scared I’ll bonk him on group holiday’
‘Wild swinging neighbours keep offering to give my girl a good servicing’
I’m just a gigolo
How do I tell my trusting girlfriend that wealthy people pay me for sex? She thinks I earn my money trading on-line, but I haven’t got the first clue about stocks and shares. I’m no good with investments and can’t do maths. The reality is that I’m on the books of an upmarket escort agency. I have a good body and impeccable manners. I offer the perfect boyfriend – ‘plus one’ – experience. Successful women and men take me anywhere from swanky dinners to corporate events.
I can talk about everything from politics and sport to religion and showbiz and never drop the ball…
Recently I held my own with a powerful Chief Executive who had been to the Ryder Cup. He commended me on my knowledge of golf and my client/date for the night gave me an extra large tip. I don’t always have sex with those employing me but often do. It’s not unusual for me to join them in their hotel suite or personal apartment for a night of no-holds-barred action. I’ll do anything for a price – sexy showers, hot tubs, horny massages – but then hate myself afterwards.
When I gave up my job in construction last March, I was confident that I could make a good living as an online trader because my best mate is in that game. My girlfriend trusted me to continue to pay half of our bills. But things didn’t work out; I couldn’t get my head around the basics. Therefore, for the last six months I’ve been leaving the house to meet clients. My girl thinks I’m out with contacts in the city. She’s a carer for a rich old lady and sometimes stays over at her flat so has no idea about my comings and goings.
The money I earn is good but I’m dying inside. How can I even begin to tell her the truth?
JANE SAYS: You must be under a huge amount of pressure on a daily basis. Keeping a secret and sneaking around is always going to be exhausting. It’s sad that the online trading idea didn’t work out, but being a gigolo and selling your body can’t be your only option. What else are you good at? Is going back into construction an option? The reality is that a secret like this is bound to come out in the end. Someone will spot you or you’ll give yourself away and then your whole world will come tumbling down. It’s imperative that you start being honest with your girlfriend and that she hears the absolute truth from you.
At the moment you’re having sex with other individuals and, possibly, putting her sexual health at risk. You’re lying about your whereabouts and making yourself miserable and stressed. Tell her you’ve messed up and ask for a second chance. Sadly, if she doesn’t decide to stick with you, then you’ll have to pick yourself up and consider your options because this is no kind of existence. The truth is that there is no such thing as ‘easy money’. Every time you misrepresent yourself or have outrageous sex with a stranger another little piece of you will die. What about your self respect, dignity and safety? All of these things need to be considered.
Make taking a sexual health check a priority.
I jumped too soon
I thought that giving up work would be wonderful.
Back in May I accepted redundancy from work. My old firm were very generous.
My boyfriend and I enjoyed a trip to Las Vegas and another to Thailand. Then I redecorated my flat and organised my stuff, but now, walking next door’s dog is the high light of my day. I feel useless. My boyfriend is wealthy, so money isn’t a problem. I’m still fit and healthy but can’t help feeling that my best years are behind me. I ring my old colleagues, but they’re too busy to chat.
I have nothing to look forward to. How did I get this so wrong?
JANE SAYS: The prospect of taking up new challenges and meeting new people may seem a daunting one but doing nothing can’t be an option.
This is an important period or readjustment for you. You have the world at your feet; you can do anything you like. What about volunteering, learning a new skill and joining a drama or sports group? If another full-time job doesn’t appeal, then you could always find a part-time position for balance. Making friends, feeling needed and keeping busy are vital. List everything you wish to achieve and be proactive. Does your boyfriend have any suggestions? Count yourself lucky that you’re in a position to start again and grab this exciting new era with both hands.
Stuck in a rut
My wife has nothing to say to me. We sit in silence in front of the TV. I look at the paper while she reads a book. We ran out of conversation years ago, yet we still have sex, which is cold and automatic.
I’d like us to try new things in the bedroom only she won’t agree. Recently she slammed me ‘pathetic’ for coming home with a bag full of sex toys. Where do we go from here when we we’re so entrenched with the house and joint finances? She recently got tipsy at a party and started slagging me off to neighbours. How dare she?
JANE SAYS: Your wife needs to hear that you can’t go on like this. Your relationship has shrunk to such an extent that you barely communicate. Sex has become a habit, like putting out the recycling, and you find yourself frustrated and cornered. What ideas does he have for injecting more life and fun? What are her thoughts and fantasises for the union as a whole? Would she consider relationship counselling?
Keep talking but avoid blame and accusations. Remind her of kindness and respect. Ultimately, your day-to-day lives need a massive shake up if you’re to survive as a couple. Start talking.
They want to bribe me
My cheating husband left me last November for another woman. She’s now thrown him out and his family are insisting I have him back. They say I have a ‘duty of care’ because he and I are still married and he wasn’t thinking straight when he left. They’ll give me £6,000. What should I do?
JANE SAYS: If you don’t want your cheating husband back, then tell his family to mind their own business. It’s not for them to bribe you or guilt-trip you into bending to their will. To my mind, your ‘duty of care’ ended when he betrayed you.
Tell them that you’ll happily accept their £6,000 – to put towards the divorce. Don’t allow anyone to bully or intimidate you. He had his chance, and he blew it.
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