JUST JANE: Today our agony aunt Jane O’Gorman is dealing with a new issue from a Daily Star reader who fears she’s being edged out by a love rival
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Three women on the go
Am I being replaced by a sexier new model?
I’ve been sleeping with my married lover for three years. The plan has always been that he’ll tell his wife about us and divorce her in 2027 once a particular savings policy of his matures.
Now, however, he’s employed a glamorous new assistant. I’m 30 and she looks just like me when I was 21. I feel threatened. Any time I pop into his office she’s there all intelligent and gorgeous and it feels like they’re laughing at me. He swears they’re not sleeping together but their body language says otherwise. I hate the way she gently picks fluff off his jacket and strokes the small of his back.
When he and I first got together we couldn’t keep our hands off each other. We had sex morning, noon and night in every location in every position.
Now he’s lost interest in coming round to my place and keeps coming up with excuses. Is he with her?
He blasts that I’m daft for even thinking that way, but I’m not stupid. Don’t forget that I know how he operates. I’ve been his guilty little secret for a long time and feel vulnerable. It feels as though the floor is falling away from me.
JANE SAYS: Your lover needs to hear that you are looking for a fully rounded, committed relationship. You’re not paranoid because you have eyes in your head and can see that there’s something between him and his new assistant.
Ultimately, you must find the strength to tell him ‘goodbye’ if you believe he’s messing around.
By starting an affair with a man married man you always knew that you were crossing a line and playing with fire (what about the poor wife’s feelings?), but if he’s now got a third woman on the go, then you need to wake up and protect yourself. My personal feeling is that you should get out now and accept that he was never anything more than an ego-driven waste of time. He’s not serious partner material.
I was hooked on cheap sex
I don’t know whether I’ll have sex with anyone again. I’m happy and relaxed and enjoying life on my own terms. Last year I got so hooked on cheap sex via dating apps that I lost my way and began to hate myself. Things came to head when I found myself having drunken sex with a complete stranger who then stole my bag and phone. That was a horrible wake up call.
I’m now into a year of self-imposed celibacy and questioning if this is me now.
Am I destined never to meet someone decent and love again? My friends are getting worried because I used to be such a live wire.
JANE SAYS: Don’t be tempted to look too far into the future. Embrace each new day as it comes and see where life takes you.
A period of calm reflection must be a good thing. There’s no denying that your former life was out of control. Fast sex had become an addiction, and you were guilty of chasing cheap thrills and experiences. Now you find yourself enjoying your own company and discovering who you really are. Something had to change and if you do decide to date again, then I suspect any new relationships will be healthier and more considered than your past encounters. Don’t allow friends to bounce you into making the same mistakes again.
He’s taken over my life
My boyfriend buys stuff on-line using my bank details. He also takes cash from my bag. Recently he sold a stack of my clothes to a neighbour.
Since moving in with me last May he’s taken over. He feels that he’s entitled to everything either on show or tucked away.
I do love him; he’s energetic and sexy but need him to understand that there are boundaries.
When friends come round, he acts like he owns the place even though he’s never paid me any rent. How do I make him understand that he goes too far?
JANE SAYS: Your new boyfriend can’t presume to storm through your life taking your money and flogging your stuff. You and he may be sharing a space, but he’s definitely taking advantage of your trusting nature. Where does helping himself stop and stealing start? Tell him today that everything must change. He needs to pay back all the money he owes and give you a cast iron promise that he will never touch your possessions again. If that is a problem for him, then I don’t see how this arrangement can continue. If you can’t trust him and he can’t be reasoned with or spoken to, then he could end up ruining you. Don’t allow his forceful personality and sense of entitlement to overwhelm you because it’s not your job to bank roll anyone.
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