JUST JANE: Today our agony aunt Jane O’Gorman is dealing with a new issue from a Daily Star reader who can’t find the right time for love
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Out of sync
My partner likes to finish off the day with a bonk.
He insists he can’t sleep unless we make love. The problem is that I don’t like sex last thing. I find it messy and sweaty and end up showering at midnight.
I’m so fired up after drying my hair that I struggle to get to sleep while he snores away like an old warthog.
We constantly argue about timings. If I had my way we’d dedicate all day Sunday to role-playing and adult fun – really relax and let ourselves go. But he always goes round to his brother’s place for lunch and cards every Sunday and I accuse him of inflexibility. When did sex become so difficult to arrange?
JANE SAYS: Regular sex is so beneficial for our mental and physical health. It’s fantastic that you and your partner are so keen to love and connect.
It’s vital that you now take each other’s needs into account and come up with a mutually acceptable plan. I feel that give-and-take must be key here. What about going to bed much earlier in the evening and then showering together? Could Saturday be your ‘big sex day’ instead? Make it clear that you are willing to compromise if he is too. Surely, he can be more flexible regarding lunch at his brother’s place – does he have to go every single week? It’s vital that you maintain your sexual momentum and keep things interesting and fresh in the bedroom.
Unhelpful hints
My new boyfriend’s ex-partner has started sending me ‘handy hints’ on keeping him happy. To begin with these centered around cooking his meals and ironing his shirts. Now she’s started pinging over intimate sex tips too. I find this passive-aggressive interference outrageously inappropriate and unwelcome. Don’t you? Yet when I complain to my boyfriend, he urges me to give her a break because she’s ‘got a good heart’. Has she? I’m beginning to get the distinct impression that she’s determined to undermine and split us up.
JANE SAYS: Is it possible your boyfriend is getting a kick out of two adoring women focusing on his intimate needs?
If he won’t tell his ex to politely ‘back off’ then you must. Firmly tell her that you’ve ‘got this’ and no further correspondence will be necessary. Sadly, if she continues to make a nuisance of herself then you’ll have to think again. Is he worth fighting over? Is there unfinished business between them? Don’t ever allow yourself to be a bit player in their little drama. If he’s not completely committed to you, then you’re wasting your time. Why doesn’t he iron his own shirts?
Should have been me
I recently got engaged and now a cousin is furious.
The other night she came round to cause trouble. She started shouting that she saw him first (they went to the same college), and she’s always been in love with herself and that I deliberately targeted him in order to hurt her. This is all absolute nonsense, and he laughs at the very suggestion of them ‘having a thing’. How do I make her accept that he is my future and that I need her to be happy for me? I’m planning a big wedding, and I don’t want any trouble from her or anyone on her side of the family.
JANE SAYS: Your cousin may be jealous or terrified of being left behind but she needs to get over herself. You’re all adults and life naturally moves forward. If she’s secretly in love with your fiancé, then that’s too bad, but she needs to hear that you never intended to hurt or humiliate her. This should be a joyful time for you, so you cannot allow her to drag you down. Give her time to reflect and then suggest a chat. Sadly, if she can’t resolve herself, then maybe she shouldn’t come round again or attend the wedding at all?
#Midnight #sex #massive #turn #agree #bonk
