JUST JANE: Today our agony aunt Jane O’Gorman is dealing with a new issue from a Daily Star reader who can’t work out what her ex-boyfriend is up to
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He’ll pay for nude pics
My ex keeps bragging me about all the great sex he’s enjoying with his new partner. I hear from him twice a day gushing about how hot and dirty she is.
I don’t know how he expects me to react. He boasts about their ‘three times a night’ sexual marathons or particularly satisfying sessions in her outdoor hot tub.
What do I care? He left me. I was devastated when he admitted that he no longer loved me and had met someone else, but we hugged and promised to stay friends. Do I deserve to be constantly bombarded and humiliated in this way? The latest thing is that he’s started asking me for nude shots of myself even though his new partner is stunning. He’s even offered to send me cash for my trouble…
JANE SAYS: Either your ex is the most insensitive person on the planet, or he realises he made a big mistake in leaving you. There’s nothing to stop him from making up any old rubbish and pinging it over to you. He’s clearly obsessed with getting, and keeping, your attention, so deprive him of that oxygen.
He made the decision to go and true friends don’t pull these kinds of stunts. Tell him to leave you alone and block him. He’s got a surprising amount of time on his hands for someone who is supposed to be in a wonderful new, loved-up, relationship… I don’t think you should believe a single word he says. Whatever happens, do not allow him to wheedle his way back into your life – and your bed – again.
Cold shoulder
A few years back my boyfriend did a terrible thing. He stole from his employer – and got caught.
His ex-boss ran a bathroom fitting company. Not only did my fella steal items and sell them on for personal profit, but he also fiddled the books and stole cash too. The employer trusted him to run the business while he was in Australia for six months and my man went through the stock like a red-hot poker through butter. He sold fittings to unsuspecting developers and members of the public alike. Everything came to light when an audit was carried out, and the spotlight turned very firmly on my guilty man.
But now we’re out the other side. We were forced to sell our beloved house and most of our belongings and move away.
He’s paid for his crimes and done his time but I’m still being punished for HIS mistakes, and I don’t think that’s far, do you? I’m being rejected and shunned by old friends and family members alike. I can honestly say I’ve been to hell and back. We’re in a new location but every time I attempt to reach out to people from our old life – relatives, ex-colleagues and friends – I’m fobbed off. I’m an outcast and an embarrassment.
Recently, one aunt snapped: “You must have benefited and known what was going on”. But I didn’t. The reason my boyfriend stole and lied was because he was in the grip of a terrible drug addiction. He blew every penny he pinched. Thankfully he is now on top of his problems, but it was his crime, not mine. When do I start getting a break?
JANE SAYS: For a long time now, you’ve kept your head down while you’ve dealt with the fallout of your boyfriend’s crime.
There’s no denying that you have suffered. Not only did you lose your original home, but you were forced to move to a different location while attempting to hold everything together.
You’ve done amazingly well and should feel proud of yourself. Now you’re feeling confident enough to re-establish contact only to find that certain people are sniffy and suspicious. It’s very possible that some have taken the moral high ground and decided that they are disgusted with your boyfriend’s terrible behaviour – and maybe even you for choosing to stick with him.
Others may be worried that he’ll ask them for money or even attempt to con them too. You’ve been through too much to be brought down by rejection. Concentrate on those who are interested in re-establishing contact. It could be that you’ll need to focus on making different friends in the area and setting up a new network of pals. As for your boyfriend, you’ve clearly been very supportive of him but don’t forget that this is your time now.
You deserve to live your life and have fun. If you’re sure he’s the one for you, then make plans with him. But don’t feel obliged to stay put if he’s untrustworthy and incapable of making you happy.
Think about it.
Money’s too tight
My husband continues to indulge his adult son from his first marriage. The guy is 32 and married. He has a good job, but my husband has a soft spot as far as he’s concerned. The son only has to mention an overdue credit card bill or holiday he fancies and my man ‘treats him’.
This is ridiculous when we are by no means wealthy and carefully budget to balance our incomings and outgoings. I suspect my hubby still feels bad about leaving his son’s mother for me but when will that ‘guilt debt’ ever be paid?
JANE SAYS: Your husband clearly shows his love with cash.
Can you get him to agree that 2025 is the last year his adult son is treated like a child? Life moves on and the fella doesn’t need your money whereas you and your husband have bills and commitments.
Of course, your hubby feels responsible for him and enjoys seeing him smile, but he can’t go on ‘making up’ for his divorce forever. Make it clear that you’re not being petty and certainly don’t feel jealous of their relationship, but sensible choices now need to be made because neither of you know what the future has in store. Or what’s around the corner…
Creepy siblings
I love my boyfriend, but I’m freaked out by his relationship with his sister. They’re full siblings and uncomfortably close for my liking.
They talk in a weird baby language; finish each other’s sentences and cuddle up. Anytime we all meet up (at the parent’s house) I feel awkward and left out.
Should I tell him to ‘quit it’?
JANE SAYS: I suggest you take a step back and consider if your relationship, with your boyfriend, feels right to you.
His sister isn’t going anywhere; she’ll always be in his life. Isn’t there the danger that you’ll always resent her? By all means talk to him in private but I’ve got a feeling that these two have an unbreakable bond – even if it’s perfectly innocent and nothing untoward.
#boasting #rampant #bonking #marathons #interested
