The prosecution: Darryl
Abi is an amazing person and full of heart, but litter-picking is dirty and makes her depressed
My girlfriend Abi is such a good person. It’s why I fell in love with her a year ago. Her heart is huge and she is passionate about so many social causes, but sometimes her “save the world” ethos can be annoying.
Case in point: she loves picking up litter that isn’t hers. Maybe loves is too strong a word, but she can’t help herself when it comes to picking up rubbish, and sometimes I feel it’s unnecessary. If she sees a piece of rubbish on the pavement, she will pick it up. It grosses me out a bit, knowing how dirty the streets are.
If we’re walking our dog, Luna, Abi will also pick up poo from other people’s dogs. I think: “Come on, you don’t have to do that – no one else does.” It’s just not the done thing. It slows our walks down, and then I get worried Abi is going to get dirty from doing all this “community service”.
Don’t get me wrong, I think being a good citizen is generally a positive thing – just not all the time, and with rubbish. Abi also does beach cleans at the weekend near where we live. She ropes me in sometimes and I am happy to do them, but it’s hard work and also quite depressing when you see the rubbish on the beach at almost the same level a month later.
Obviously, it’s lovely that Abi cares so much about the world around her – she can also get obsessive about recycling – but sometimes it gets her down, too. She has OCD and anxiety, and she can get stressed when she is overworked. She loves to watch documentaries about the fishing industry or fast fashion, but then she can get really down and bemoan the state of the world for hours.
I comfort her when she gets upset and I think she makes me a better person, but sometimes I want her to protect her own peace a little more. If we are out and about, I think she should leave some of the litter for other people, or the binmen, to pick up. It might help her feel a little less responsible for other people’s mess and help her calm down overall.
The defence: Abi
Darryl thinks helping the planet is someone else’s problem. We all have a responsibility to muck in
Sometimes Darryl’s “don’t worry” attitude drives me up the wall. With rubbish in the streets, he absolutely refuses to pick up litter that isn’t ours, whereas I think: “If I’m walking past it, I’ll take it home or put it in the bin.”
Darryl thinks that if he touches a crisp packet on the pavement that isn’t his, he will catch some kind of disease. He acts like it’s disgusting, even when I’ve got hand sanitiser ready. I think it’s an excuse because he just doesn’t want to pick up rubbish.
I also think he doesn’t want to look silly and he feels stupid doing something that he regards as someone else’s problem. But if we all left litter-picking to someone else, the world would be even messier than it is now. If we’re walking Luna and I spot someone else’s dog mess, I’ll clear it – I’m already cleaning up one poo, I might as well take another with me.
I noticed when we moved in together that Darryl didn’t like recycling. He would chuck something in the general bin if the recycling one was full. I’d tell him off. With the beach cleans, he has been to about four with me, but he says he finds it “depressing” or “pointless” because the beach looks the same a month later. To me, that’s exactly why we need to keep going.
Darryl also avoids “depressing” documentaries. I’ll watch them, get upset, and want to talk about what we can do. He changes the subject or tries to lighten the mood. He tells me I should stop caring so much, that it’s bad for my mental health. I know I can be intense – I have OCD and anxiety – but ignoring the problems doesn’t make them go away. I work in the charity sector and want to help out where I can.
I love Darryl. I know he thinks he’s protecting me by encouraging me to look after my mental health, but sometimes it feels as if he’d rather I shrink my world down to just us, instead of engaging with it properly. Darryl needs to let me pick up the rubbish when I want, and even join in once in a while. I don’t want to live in a bubble – to me, being a good citizen means sharing responsibility, even when it’s messy.
The jury of Guardian readers
Whose argument needs unpicking?
after newsletter promotion
Darryl should let Abi pick up litter if she wants to. All relationships need an element of compromise but I don’t see how this is putting Darryl out, apart from grossing him out a bit. He also benefits from a nicer local area.
Lee, 49
Abi is a model citizen for picking up other people’s rubbish, other dogs’ poop and for cleaning up beaches, and Darryl should absolutely follow her example. But even the best of citizens deserve some downtime, so maybe they could skip the documentaries. You’re doing enough, Abi; chill out and watch a nice movie.
Patrick, 57
Darryl could learn from Abi to be more conscientious – she is an inspiration to us all! If this is part of the reason why you fell in love with her, then try to enjoy it. Your reasons for asking her to stop sound very self-interested.
Arnie, 46
I do admire Abi for what she is trying to do, but I also sympathise with Darryl. It must be annoying if you can’t go for a walk without your girlfriend continually stopping to pick up random clumps of dog poo. As a compromise, maybe Abi could only do that when she’s alone.
Bee, 58
We could all take a leaf out of Abi’s book. Darryl, quit whining and talk to Abi about the environment after you two watch a documentary together. That doesn’t seem like much of a price to pay for having such a thoughtful and caring girlfriend.
Andrew, 26
Now you be the judge
In our online poll, tell us if you think Abi’s argument needs binning
The poll closes on Wednesday 10 September at 9am BST
Last week’s results
We asked if Paul should compromise when it comes to carbs.
78% of you said yes – Paul is guilty
22% of you said no – Paul is not guilty
