Monday, December 1, 2025

Dining across the divide: ‘He was shocked when I told him that schools weaponise anxiety’ | Life and style

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Patrick, 31, London

Occupation Teacher in a pupil referral unit (PRU)

Voting record Labour last time. Would like to vote Lib Dem or Green but hates the idea of wasting his vote, and would do anything to keep out Reform

Amuse bouche Is a novice, very keen knitter; his grandmother made him an Afghan blanket when he was a child, and he’s hoping to recreate it


Molly, 50, London

Occupation Works for the NHS

Voting record Always used to vote Labour but voted Green in the last two general elections

Amuse bouche Also a keen knitter, Molly is making socks for friends. She doesn’t sell them because, the length of time they take, she’d have to charge about £200


For starters

Molly The minute I met Patrick, I was disarmed. He was open, enthusiastic, loads to talk about, easy to get on with.

Patrick I know some people have very strong opinions about teachers, and I was preparing myself to be hated. That lasted about two and a half seconds, because Molly was so lovely.

Molly It was a Japanese-Mexican fusion restaurant: we had ceviche, but also sushi. It was nice, every course took me by surprise.

Patrick There was pulled duck on crispy rice. We were there for more than three hours.


The big beef

Molly We talked about schools – behaviour management, anxiety and exam stress. My view is that the system doesn’t work for anybody. It’s in the school’s interests for the kids to do well, and they’ll push you all the time. It’s taken the fun out of school. Patrick was a bit shocked to hear what I was telling him – that it’s weaponised anxiety, the teachers use kids’ anxieties to drive them forward, but they’re really using it against them. Both of my kids had school anxiety, which caused them to be out of formal education for a while, and I think that was created by the school not solved by it.

Patrick Molly sees the pressure coming from teachers and schools, whereas I was trying to contextualise that. I agree that yes, it’s pressurised, but that pressure comes from above us. Everybody’s got a thumb on them and we’re all just trying to get through, and unfortunately, that doesn’t always have the most holistic impact on the most important people, which are the kids.

Molly I thought kids in a PRU had all been expelled, but it’s for any kids who can’t cope in mainstream education. It was quite eye-opening for me, to meet someone who was that emotionally involved with the kids.

Patrick The second you raise your voice at a student, you’ve lost. There is no raising your voices in my school. We empower kids to articulate what they’re feeling, and we work with them to meet those challenges. It’s beautiful. I’ve never been in a school that talks the talk and walks the walk like this. My wife is a teacher in a private school, and they operate the same way. And Molly was, like, “Oh my gosh, why isn’t this more commonly used?”


Sharing plate

Molly We talked about AI, kids using it at school, and how you could ever be certain that they aren’t getting it to write their coursework. What’s the point of learning anything if AI can do it better? He said AI can be a useful tool for teachers, but education as a sector is so far behind. The syllabus and the curriculum are so old-fashioned, they haven’t got a hope of catching up when new tools become available.

Patrick My attitude towards AI is, rather than combat it, harness it. Rather than working on mark schemes, focus on the one thing AI can’t do, which is humanity and art. If that gives me more time to be able to guide my students and coach them, that is an absolutely brilliant use of AI. It relieves us of the busywork.


For afters

Molly He’s Canadian, and said how unwelcome the Tommy Robinson march made him feel – how he’s had to talk to his kids about it.

Patrick What Keir said about migration making us an “island of strangers” made my blood boil. I have no recourse to public funds, I pay an NHS surcharge, I work in a field that isn’t the most popular choice for people to get into. Nevertheless I’m deemed to be lesser? I find that so offensive.


Takeaways

Molly We swapped numbers, in case we needed to compare notes. He’s such a sweet guy.

Patrick I did not go into this expecting to make a friend. She was lovely.

Additional reporting: Kitty Drake

Patrick and Molly ate at Los Mochis, London W8.

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