Five things we do which drive therapists mad

It must be a frustrating world out there for a therapist. First, they have to deal with people all the time, which must be pretty tiresome. Then there’s the fact that we’ve all taken to Google to diagnose ourselves and those around us, despite our woeful lack of qualifications to do so (although all of our exes definitely are sociopaths). And if all that wasn’t enough, now some of us are apparently using chatbots as a form of free therapy. Like doctors watching the masses perform open-heart surgeries on themselves by way of YouTube tutorials, one can only imagine the range of small horrors that mental health experts must encounter on a daily basis. So I set out to ask the therapists of the world, what’s bothering them these days, and what, exactly, do we do that drives them up the wall and round the bend?

From using the term “social snacking” incorrectly to flippantly labelling others as narcissists, Dr Charlotte Armitage explained her frustration that, “diagnostic labels have made their way into everyday vernacular but many, more often than not, describe what would be considered as the normal human experience rather than a psychopathology”. So, your colleague might just be rude and probably isn’t suffering from an undiagnosed personality disorder. And yes, you may like your cupboards to be organised. Does that mean you have OCD? It does not.

Clinical psychologist Dr. Emma Hepburn (@thepsychologymum) warned that we “[shouldn’t] assume the mental health or psychology posts on social media are actually correct because actually, research shows that about 80% of them are incorrect”.

And even the times when they are correct, Dr. Hepburn explained her exasperation with people following the advice of online strangers, highlighting that, “just because it works for one person, doesn’t mean that it works for you. You’re a complex individual who has [your] own needs”. Needs that, might not be the same as a lifestyle influencer flogging protein powder while relaxing on a yacht in Jamaica.

Psychotherapist and author of The Phone Addiction Workbook Hilda Burke says: “The number one thing for therapists…usually the most irksome is the fact that clients will sometimes, in a kind of almost spooky way, [reflect] your own issues”. Burke explained that clients can come to therapists with problems that closely mirror the therapist’s own – a phenomenon known as a “parallel process” – and that sometimes a therapist doesn’t initially register that their client’s circumstance mirrors his or her own. “When we [ask] ourselves as therapists, why is this client really getting under my skin…it’s often because, ‘ah ok – well, actually I do that and I’m struggling to change that in myself [too]”.

Chartered psychologist and author Dr. Audrey Tang described her irritation with the term “neurospicy”, a modern umbrella term for a range of neurodiversities. While she understands the reasons for it, and why people want to “reclaim” these neurodiversities and feel more empowered, her grievance comes when the term detracts from the conditions themselves. “I don’t have a problem with why people do it, I do have a problem if people want to take that into a discussion where the word has meaning…it undervalues when a word like ADHD, or OCD, or a diagnosis has meaning”. Ultimately, in situations such as the workplace, where a diagnosis like ADHD can enable people to request additional resources, Dr. Tang’s frustration lies when people use the term “neurospicy” and expect it to carry the same weight as a diagnosed condition.

Tasha Bailey, psychotherapist and author wants people to stop apologising for crying in sessions, explaining that: “Tears are not a weakness — they’re a sign you feel safe enough to share. Vulnerability is a gift, and allowing yourself to show it is evidence that you’re doing ‘the work’”. Equally, therapist Sally Brown felt it was unnecessary for clients to apologise for their problems not being “big” enough for therapy: “You don’t need to be in the grip of a major life crisis to benefit from time spent looking at your life, relationships, feelings and patterns – in fact, you can only do the deeper, life changing work when you’re not in crisis.”

So, fear not – your therapist isn’t judging you for crying or because your childhood wasn’t as traumatic as Harry Potter’s, and yes – they do still think that you should be in therapy regardless of the ‘size’ of your problems. “I’m a therapist – I think everyone should be in therapy!”, Brown emphasised.