JUST JANE: Today our agony aunt Jane O’Gorman is dealing with a new issue from a Daily Star reader who is still reeling from a terrible trip
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He climaxed then offered me a cuppa
I took my mate to Spain to cheer her up after painful divorce and all she did was sleep around. She was selfish, embarrassing and ungrateful.
She hooked up with a crowd of other girls within minutes of us sitting down beside the pool on our first day, and then she was off. She splashed in the water and drank with them at the swim-up bar while I seethed on my own. She never once invited me to join them.
I accept that they were a ‘better’ gang; more outrageous, loud and naughty but I believe I deserved better. The trip cost me over £3,000 for the pair of us. I paid for everything from the flights and hotel to all the food and drink.
The unspoken deal was that she would be my companion and support me, but all she did was get drunk and do her own thing. I hardly saw her. We were supposed to go on sightseeing trips, but she branded them ‘boring’.
The nights were even worse. I ate dinner alone while she visited clubs and bars ‘on the pull’ as she so charmingly put it.
We shared a room. Virtually every morning I awoke to find her shagging in her bed right next to me. One hunky conquest orgasmed (loudly) then offered to make me a cup of tea.
I drew the line when they attempted to get in the shower together and threw him out.
Now we’re back home. The other day I plucked up the courage to complain about her behaviour and SHE hit the roof. She accused me of judging her and spoiling her fun when she was in a ‘dark place’ post-divorce. How does that work?
JANE SAYS: I suppose your friend argues that you don’t own her. Just because you chose to treat her to a trip didn’t mean that you were entitled to control her and call the shots out there. I’m afraid your words ‘unspoken deal’ sprang out at me. If you weren’t clear about the role, you expected your friend to play on the trip, then no wonder wires were crossed. Clearly, she thought she was going on a knees up on her own terms, while you actually wanted her all to yourself. The lesson is that if you ever think about doing something similar with another person in the future, then you must be upfront and honest about ‘rules’ and expectations.
You now need to take the heat out of this situation by stepping back and drawing a line under the holiday. It’s over, it’s done and finished.
Concede that mistakes were made on both sides but make it clear to her that you still feel very let down and used. Can you remain friends with a woman who showed so little respect and gratitude? I don’t think you can.
There’s no denying that she’s gone off the rails post-divorce – and maybe that’s to be expected. She’s clearly enjoying her freedom. She is feeling alive as an attractive, single woman. But you and she are on very different pages. Chalk this trip down to experience and don’t allow the bad memories to deflate you.
Bride-to-be is turning the screw
This year I’ve already splashed out over £5,000 on other people’s celebrations. From weddings and birthday parties to a Christening and even a divorce bash, I’m done.
I’ve just received an invitation from an ex-neighbour to her wedding next year in Greece. I haven’t seen the woman in years, but she will furious if I make an excuse. She’s already texting about additional spa treatments and cocktail making classes. How much is that going to cost me?
I won’t know any of the other guests. In the past few years, I’ve been to Spain, Scotland and even Florida for celebrations. Yet I worry that if I start saying ‘no’, then folk will stop including me and my social life will collapse.
JANE SAYS: You’ve already spent a fortune attending other events and now you must put your foot down. At least the latest bride has given you plenty of notice; now you need to tell her that you won’t be able to make it because finances don’t allow.
Don’t attempt to make a fancy excuse; simply tell the truth. If she stamps her foot, then that’s just too bad. Everyone has their limit and you’ve reached yours. Invitations will continue to arrive, because you’re a friendly, upbeat person. It’s your right to pick and choose the suitable ones and say “No thanks’ especially when you fear you’re being used to make up the numbers…
They’re desperate to push a pram
My parents are obsessed with becoming grandparents.
All of their friends have children, and they condemn me for denying them that experience. At the moment they’re fuming because I’ve just taken a major promotion at work, which will involve more international travel, longer hours and more responsibility. Even if I do (eventually) have kids, then I’ll still work.
They frequently make sarcastic comments about my job – calling me selfish and money mad. How dare they?
My husband says I should learn to ignore them but it’s very hard when I’m insecure and sensitive. How do I get them to understand that I don’t like being criticised?
JANE SAYS: It’s your life and it’s up to you how you live it. If you’re not ready to have children yet – or ever for that matter – then your parents need to leave you alone. Can you call a family meeting in order to clear the air?
Remind them that you don’t care about their friends and what they’re up to.
I worry that you’re allowing your mum and dad to get under your skin, and that’s not fair. Speak to your friends about your feelings and go and see your GP if you’re in need of professional support.
More rabbit than Sainsbury’s
My mother-in-law never stops talking. She has no inner monologue. She twitters away and drives me crazy. At the moment she’s banging on about a big family holiday to visit her sister in Canada next Easter. What excuse can I give for not going when I’m simply not interested?
JANE SAYS: Does your mother-in-law chatter on out of nerves or because she hates silences?
It would be a pity if you were to cut her out of your life. Family feuds are never desirable. Can she be spoken to? Is she especially anxious or bottling something up? Offer to listen and help. Ultimately if you don’t fancy the Canada trip, then be honest about that now. No one says you have to spend huge amounts of time with her.
#paid #mates #holiday #spent #time #straddling #strangers #slept
