Adreena Winters says she wants to break down the stigma surrounding ‘cuckolding’ – a fetish that has grown in popularity in recent years, especially among women
A sex expert is on a mission to bust myths about one of the UK’s most taboo fantasies – and insists it’s far more common than people realise. Adreena Winters says she wants to break down the stigma surrounding cuckolding, a fetish that has grown in popularity in recent years.
While often mistaken for a threesome, cuckolding typically involves a man taking pleasure in watching – or even just listening to – his partner have sex with another man. Adreena, 37, says one of the biggest misconceptions is that cuckolding is something only men want. “It’s a fantasy that’s more common than people think,” the author of So You Want To Be A Cuckold? said.
“I’ve definitely noticed a shift in the last few years of women initiating it. Maybe they’re with a partner who they love and is a great partner, but doesn’t quite satisfy them as well as someone else might be able to. A lot of the couples I meet, the guy is not particularly well endowed, and penetration is quite important.
“Women are acknowledging that. Women can still have that loving relationship and closeness with their partner, but get that really good satisfaction elsewhere.
“Some people think that the wives are forced into it, and the husband has said that’s what he wants. That’s absolutely not what I want to see; I want to see more empowered women.”
Another myth Adreena is keen to challenge is that the fetish is restricted to younger couples. She said: “I’ve seen married couples with children want to get involved with cuckolding.
“A lot of older couples introduce it down the line, especially if they met when they were quite young. They feel like they need to do a bit more exploring.
“Couples need to have that connection, or cuckolding isn’t that fulfilling. Cuckolding can also improve communication because couples need to make sure they’re coming back together and having open and honest conversations.”
Adreena, from Bristol, says that another common misunderstanding is that cuckolding revolves solely around humiliation or power.
She said: “It’s not about letting your partner go and have sex with someone else. You need to be at a point where you don’t want that control.
“You should enjoy seeing how satisfied she can be, rather than thinking that you’re just controlling the situation and letting her go and do something.
“I think a lot of people associate cuckolding with humiliation, but I think people would be really surprised that, actually, it’s quite nurturing and a loving dynamic between the couple.
“If there is humiliation, it’s not necessarily from a negative place. People assume that it’s weak men who are into it, and they’re being taken advantage of.
“More often than not, I tend to find that it takes a lot of strength from the man to say ‘I love you, but I know that you could be more satisfied, and I want to give you the space to explore that’.
“Sometimes people think it’s cheating, but it’s all very consensual and discussed between the couple. It’s not doing stuff behind each other’s backs unless that’s what they’ve consented to.
“Some people like the idea of not knowing.” Finally, Adreena says another misconception is that exploring the fetish ruins relationships when, in reality, it can do the opposite.
Adreena added: “I get a few comments from people worried that if they do take that step, it might ruin their relationship and maybe she’ll find someone better, but it’s not the case.
“I’ve found it can strengthen the bond. The relationship needs to be really good in the first place.
“It’s not about replacing anybody. It’s about giving her more empowerment.”
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