I used to pride myself on being a gung-ho kind of person, embracing change and thrills in life, whether that was travelling alone to South America or doing standup comedy. But, as my 40s progressed, I found myself becoming more cautious. I started to choose the safer option, such as booking a package holiday instead of a DIY adventure, or hesitating before sending a work email, worried it didn’t sound “right”.
I felt anxiety, low mood and brain fog – all symptoms of perimenopause – creeping in. I was in what I would call a menopausal funk: weighed down by my feelings and my slightly aching body. I began experiencing this two years ago. I’m 47 now. Taking HRT (hormone replacement therapy) helped, but I felt as if I had reached a point in my life where I had to accept that I was just going to be a bit less “me” and not so brave.
So, when I received an email from the charity Calm (Campaign Against Living Miserably) asking for volunteers at Glastonbury, I surprised myself by saying yes. The deal was to work in a bar, for three eight-hour shifts, in return for a free ticket. I would go alone, camp alone, and leave myself at the mercy of making friends with my fellow volunteers. If not, I would be there by myself for six days.
I had been before – eight times – but always with friends. Would I even remember how to work in a bar? It had been more than a decade since I’d worked in a mountain bar during ski season in the French Alps. Was I too old? Was I too menopausal?
People said I was brave, but I was petrified. The thrill of arriving by myself was tinged with nerves. But, even as I put up my tent, people said hello. The team was a mix of ages, from early 20s to those in their 60s. Because we all camped together, it was easy to make friends. I felt my confidence rise as I remembered how to be “barmaid Jenny”. I realised I wasn’t quite so “past it” after all. I was by no means the oldest, either – proving to me that, actually, 47 is only as “old” as I tell myself it is.
Being at Glastonbury alone was like a golden ticket to being “me” again. I did things I wouldn’t normally do, like eating out and going to a gig alone. And, as I watched Pulp with happy tears streaming down my cheeks, I felt more aligned with my old self. I felt a sense of freedom as the self-doubt started to ebb away. I didn’t expect the experience to be so liberating when it came to my menopause funk.
Since Glastonbury, I’ve booked my next holiday – no package deal this year. Instead, I’m staying at an Airbnb on an island off the Italian coast. I am also embracing my work as a career coach much more confidently than I did before. My daily mindset has changed, too. I send those emails without being so nervous, and have a renewed assurance in everything I do.
Attending Glastonbury has marked a turning point in my menopause journey. It reminded me that I don’t have to see myself as “old and menopausal”; I can still say yes to fresh challenges and embrace the thrill of something new. There’s a lot more on the horizon if I choose to grab it.
